In the past, I haven't been great about meeting my yearly reading and writing goals. Or finishing many of the books I've started reading, or literally any of the books I've begun writing. While I try not to blame all of my personal problems and crippling character flaws on mental illness, weeks-long bouts of depression, anxiety, and fear of failure certainly don't help with my focus and motivation, especially with writing. But I'm realizing more and more that exposing myself to the works of published authors, I can never improve my craft. Which is why this past year (well, more like just this December), I decided to kick my ass into gear and read a few books, start to finish. While the feat of reading seven books is not impressive to the average reader, I felt a small burst of accomplishment that I'm trying desperately not to push under the rug or into the box in the back corner of my brain labeled "acts of underachievement, you lazy piece of shit."
For such a messy, unorganized person, I sure do love ticking off check boxes on lists. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment, however small. Sometimes I even add things that I've already completed to a list, just to check it off and tell myself "Yes, you depressed ball of self-doubt, you are at least doing something," while patting my own head in a way that is only slightly condescending.
So this coming year, 2021 (let us all pray to whatever gods may be out there that this year is better than the toxic waste fire that was 2020), I am setting a goal to complete at least one reading challenge.
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